The Tao of Facebook

A lot of people are talking about Facebook. How it’s just like re-living high school, but not in a good way. That it’s a superficial, click-based cocktail party disguised as real connection.

I beg to differ. I actually think that Facebook is more than a pop social network fad, and that it runs deeper into how we as humans are communicating and how more meaningful, expansive communication between us is evolving at a very rapid pace.

For most people, high school was full of fear, social anxieties, and adolescent angst. Then, when somebody made a comment about your yearbook picture, you actually might have taken it to heart. If Facebook is like high school, I think of it as more of a Utopian high school, where instead of “Man, you failed the Trig test, you’ll never get into a decent college,” fast forward to 2009 (some faster than others) to: “You’re laid off? That really sucks, call me and we’ll grab a drink.” Or: “Sending good vibes you’ll find something real soon.” Or better yet: “Here’s a link to a cool job.” Of course not every comment on Facebook is a positive or constructive one, but the bulk of them are: keen observations, pats on the back, or humorous insights about life according to “insert your name here,” where everyone is given a platform for at the least as long as it takes to write a status update.

Peter Russell, a physicist and futurist who was one of the first to associate computers with the brain and humanity’s collective consciousness, told Ode magazine: “Social Networking, YouTube: This is allowing us to begin to think collectively, to solve problems collectively…and we’ll need this collective thinking to solve societal problems.”

Can Facebook change the world? That might be an overstatement, but I believe it’s already changed how people view one another. Yes, there are the uncomfortable “de-friends,” such as the guy who tried to sue you because he slipped on a banana peel on the sidewalk in front of your house, then pops up asking you to accept his virtual friendship as if nothing happened, or the vixen who tried to swipe your boyfriend–then wants to be your girlfriend.

But for the most part, Facebook is about positive feedback, and while diehard Facebook opponents will scoff “I don’t need everyone to be my friend,” or “You ‘Facehookers’ collect friends like they’re property,” I’ve had a different experience.

Facebook has forced me, and I’m sure many people, to view others in a new way; to see our similarities more than our differences.

For instance, since my foray into Facebook land, I find that I’m not separating people as I might have before, putting them in separate mental columns of who hears what I would tell a good friend, and who what I would tell a co-worker-- censoring my words for certain people who I feel can’t hear the ‘real me’ in all my imperfect glory, with all my contradictions, biases and nutty observations.

Though the “Limited Profile” option is useful to prevent those professional associates (although my biz being media, the line is blurred) from witnessing the photo of you with a lampshade on your head, or worse, I’m finding that I use it less and less. In a very fundamental way, Facebook has required a form of self-acceptance, the ability to go out on a virtual limb and express oneself in front of 300-not so close friends- and feel like there is a sound safety net there. The self-acceptance comes from the positive mirror that Facebook in general, provides: encouragement and support rather than judgment and criticism.

Everyone on Facebook is a virtual equal—nobody’s fluffing pillows on an old couch apologizing for their modest home, and nobody’s pulling out an Amex Gold to pay for an expensive lunch. When I was in high school, I desperately wanted my parents to enroll me in Catholic school so I wouldn’t have to worry about what to wear. On Facebook, (oh dear!) you could be naked for all anyone really cares. A Facebook page provides a common denominator- enabling us to be as close to equal as our Creator, or the Universe, if you prefer, created us to be. I venture to guess that Facebook has enabled us to be more accepting of others, to see that --despite posting radically different views about the world to our notes, different videos that we think are “LOL the funniest I’ve ever seen!” and even different political views that others might not share—we are all pure and simple, human.

To put it in a more Zen sense, we all want to wake up in the morning and say, “I feel loved.” Some might say this is an exaggeration but I feel like a lot of genuine love and caring gets shared on Facebook, not in a “Kumbaya” sense but in more subtle ways.

Back to high school. (I know, it’s tough.) Back then, if someone started to rail on your friend Joe for wearing too much goop in his hair like a “wuss,” all bets were off as to whether someone would stick up for him, especially if the source of the insults was 6’2” and a bad-ass. But pick on grown-up Joe because he’s changed his status for the 4th time in a month from “single,” to “in a relationship” then “it’s complicated,” and back to “single” again, and see what happens. If the razing gets too out of hand or mean-spirited, like magic there appears this collective consciousness that spurns at least one person to say “Hey, give the guy a break,” or more simply, “Ouch.” That tells Joe that even if some of his friends don’t know when to quit, good intentions and all, in a collective sense his friends have his back. And who doesn’t want to feel that? It’s the kind of a self-regulating ethics code that most of us didn’t have in high school, a collective parent if you will, but a cool one. On a very subconscious level, it’s probably part of what makes Facebook and some other social networks work at keeping people active on the site: they feel they’re part of a larger whole, and that they’re protected.

But some still want to paint Facebook as a bad thing for people and relationships. This phenomenon bears similarities to that “Conan O’Brien” clip being circulated on YouTube titled: “Everything’s Amazing but nobody’s Happy.” The comedian Louis CK reminds us that we all walked the figurative ten miles to school way back when, so we should quit crying.

Think back to the early 90s, just a little over 10 years ago—what it was like. No, that guy from grade school couldn’t track you down, drive to your neighborhood, knock on the door and say “Remember me?” but neither could your good high school friend who’d shared that early angst-ridden moment, find you and confirm that you both turned out just fine.

I was in the Peace Corps in the early 90s, and a letter home took 3 months either way. A phone call was an all-morning affair at the post office in town, 15 miles away. And while there’s certain romanticism about that old delayed communication gratification, most times it was just a pain in the ass.

So given that 95% of everything I read on Facebook is fueled by a positive, genuine desire for one person to connect with another, for another to highlight a cause or an issue that they believe in, or to just laugh and say “Have a better day,” I am going out on a virtual limb to say that I think social networking can ultimately change our collective consciousness, and in turn change the world. Of course this is all my personal opinion, take it or leave it. Or, if you prefer, click on the box to the right next to: “Less about Virginia.” : )